Reality is a Bozo Concept

Yass, yuh staht widjer basic hyoom. Now, yuh kin git hyoom onda open range, whar the long grass blows after sweetnin snow have lain long and calm. When yuh have done founded hyoom thass choicely good, carefully lay open the long stalks an, widjer camp knife, scoop out the soff orange mucus. Keep a’doin this until yuh hava quirter so.

Then, yuh need some beans. Yuh kin use Mexican, Indian, African, jessaboot any kinda bean’ll do. Hellfahr! Yuh kin even use them Chinee beans.

Gotta be low heat now, doncha fergitit. Tossa stuff inna pot an stiremup, but good. Letem simmer alla day long. An when them punchers git back anner sittin aboot the fahr traden stories an flati, yewkin gittem goin straight up acrosst the Great Divide in a parryoxism o’ pure pleasure. Cos yew know whut yew got? You got hyoom’n beans. Thass whut yew got! Bessdam invention innis corner of the galixy. Betcherass!

About Jim Stewart

Writer at Butt in Chair
This entry was posted in Absurd fantasy, Slice of Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Reality is a Bozo Concept

  1. Agent 54 says:

    What the hell language is that?

  2. laurajak says:

    Hellfahr! Pretty close to the strange Midwest dialect I heard for several weeks in May. Ohio, Indiana, West Virginia, Kentucky – them people do talk funny. Gallipolis is gal i pleeze – the i is hardly heard and the accent is on the pleeze.

    I’m enjoying your work.

    Laura K

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